I liked studying when I was young; I’m not saying about the mere memorization of meaningless stuffs. Roughly, reading books, delving into numerous poems made my life fruitful and vivacious. People said it would be impossible, but I cried reading the masterpieces of Dostoevskii when I was yet 7 years old. Maybe I’ve read one of his books for more than 20 times. I wrote poem then. The title was 'Studying.’ Reading articles, analyzing books, and finding the relationships between different concepts was intriguing. While others felt tedious about doing assignments, I was excited because those assignments were opportunities for me to find new aspects in understanding particular concepts.

           I was surely the beneficiary of this rapid development propelled by reading a lot  of books. However, it also conversely affected me. First, I became afraid of saying ‘wrong’ things. I wanted to be a student who always follows the ‘right’ path, because that is what others expected from me. The test score plainly mattered to me. When I got something wrong on my test, I cried and screamed all night in the bed, hitting myself. Even, I framed myself into the social norms. I was very sensitive to the zeitgeist, hence I forced myself to learn and absorb the concept of moralities that were prevalent in the society. When I was asked some questions that require my own interpretation of moralities, my answers were thus ‘perfect’. Adults thought that I was a smart kid who realized the principles of the world at the early age.

           My mother liked me being smart, so started to force me to study. I had to suffer from the inundation of books and assignments that I did not want to do. Materials from the academies made me to learn numerous facts and knowledges; however, I lost the opportunities to reconsider the social norms that I just coerced myself to memorize. I even started to dislike ‘studying’ because I was merely forced to study. My mother did not want me to rest. She gave me numerous stuffs to do, and I was punished if I do not finish those completely. I started to realize that something was going wrong. Those things didn’t make me happy as before. I did not tell my mother, but I thought that everything was terrible.

           After six years of horrible elementary school years, I entered to middle school. It was dormitory school, so my mother wasn’t there. No one forced me to study and memorize things. I just had to be ready for few regular tests. There, my life has encountered new things. I learned the fact that emotion really matters in human lives. Roommates, Classmates, and club friends were all entangled with numerous conflicts. Just memorizing things and getting good scores in the test didn’t solve any problems happening among them. Understanding others and comprehending myself were prioritized. Three years of dormitory life made me to think of the ‘social norms’ again, which I just absorbed without doubt. It naturally made me to think of the essence of human beings, and the standard of rights and wrongs. My interest towards books and poems reappeared. I started to write poems or short novels. However, I became a skeptical person: dark, gloomy person who always questioned about myself. Although I endeavored to find my own answers in between the social norms and moralities, I could not completely give my own answer for my questions. Since then, literature became my friend. As I wrote the poems and novels, I definitely could say that the things inside my poems are 'my' things. It was the only thing that I did not need to lie in front of other people. The word choice, the topic I wanted to convey inside the poem, and the tone of my poem were all mine. Thus, I could not give up literature. Without it, I thought that I can never find something that I can genuinely say that it is mine.

           However, I did not like my style of writing. It was yet young, naïve, and light. I even tried to give up writing poems because reading my incomplete writings made me unpleasant. Then, I met ‘Thornapple’Thornapple after entering KMLA. Their lyrics, the tone of the song were the things that I admire. They were writing things that I really wanted to write. Their songs were like a blue swamp; inescapable and heavy. Since then, I listen to their songs every moment, and I can’t live without their songs. Just one listening of the song explains everything. They make me cry.

Juliet, Elizabeth... those fancy names of a pain-staking, lovely novels are all unnecessary; what we need now is only the story between us – trust, belief, and sincerity are things that only matters to put an end to this story.

Umbrellas, rain boots, scarfs, backpacks, and necklaces were all blue that day – especially, yours – Once yours were dazzled under the orange sunlight, sparkling throughout the empty spaces between us, dancing into my ears, whispering your delighted happiness, although vague. Truly, vivid trembles were inside my fingers, as if they are stamped inside the beats of my heart. Never to be dampened, I drew every minute details of your memory till I even forget those of me. What if the time stopped there, without lengthening numerous sweetness, happiness, and sadness.

Never thought of the strong headed, obstinate, fastidious characters of yourself. But, time, the revengeful one that was jealous of every jovial moments inside single breathe, has changed the picture, maybe. From there, my eyes couldn’t see nothing but blue of yours, evilness of yours. Did blue came from evilness? Strange, still, but the fact is – the vivid things of yours have changed into blue. Monotone, no differences in the particles of its color, no cracks were permitted in the stable blue. What if I saw a one, one difference in yours. Maybe I would still be drawing your memories in mine, instead of writing this letter.

I believe you wouldn’t be surprised this after reading this. Thinking backwards, I bet I have seen your trembling eyes and static heartbeats when I was suffering from trembling heartbeats and static eyes. The fragrance has made me adamant. What if your odor was less intense thus made me to stop at the moment. It proved to be impossible, but still, I wish.

Odorless flower and colorless ore seem to turn vague. Condescending eyes are nevertheless significant. Your eyes were filled with indifferent hatred scrambled upon pity remained at least, it is now comprehensible sorrow, now understandable sigh. What if you had sighed first, before myself. Why did you keep holding this?

Right here, you told me that ‘Estrangement is the stinkest inendurance’. I couldn’t find out what it means then, but I now know. What if I knew it first before you let me know.

Lucid, I believe

           Intangible fantasies on lucid dream were always there to fulfill insatiable, forbidden desire. Tilted from the normalcy, evasion accomplishes regression, and collision establishes catharsis, with turbid, grayish pity upon oneself. When it comes to lucid dream, the evasion and collision coexists, throwing one upon extreme ecstasy, vivifying the imaginary utopia, outside, but inside the real world. Nonetheless, un-easy as it is, only selected few are allowed to step down the staircases of lucid dream. It is said, bundles of hostile stories and the ghastly figures surround one, as if they are Cerberus. If I’m one of the stars particularly glittering around, chosen by The Supremacy, I would definitely get into the lucid dream. Definitely, unquestionably, I will. I will.

           Remember the ‘break’, I was heard. It determines whether it is dream or real. Remember the ‘break’, I was heard.

           Then, suddenly, stunning laser lights colored – white, black, white, black- splashed inside my closed, dim eyes, making me fragile, drowning under the deepest surface of abyss, -fallen- into an addiction without gravity, then –beep-

           From the very moment the last scoop of dense air exited out of my lungs and my now-unbound soul seeped through my dry skin towards the heavens above, there were no more tears. I was dead and so did the pains that I've entailed. Gone. Erased. Yet my free soul was not, though my flesh and blood were naught. I fluttered through the air, racing towards the light above—a cosmic relief.
        After hours of mindless flight, I arrived at a gate of gold so marvelous, yet humble. It was silent, but it hummed a divine hymn. I was addicted to it. My eyes fixated, I stand for however long I pleased. It was a fortress of gold standing on a cloud—the outskirts of paradise.
        Then came a voice.
        "Majesty, welcome back to your shelter."

           Majesty. Quite satisfying character. Disempowered since the day of breathe, I believe, temporary taste of power would be a piece of delight and jolly. I take this.

           You’re welcome. How come there aren’t any newcomers?

           Mimic dwarfs out of my imaginations startled – seemed to be all my acquaintances, so I desired them to be ‘welcoming’, ‘pleasant’, thus, showed greetings, but erratically their faces were swirling into pieces as if they have confronted catastrophe, once experienced, quite a short time ago – The swirls invaded me with venomous, reddy blood drops all over the atmosphere, trying to crawl upon the barrier that might disgruntle every existence in between the dream and real world.

           Just before the scratches are fairly made as disgraceful scars, the scene had been frozen.

           Then,

           Break one.

           Hugh..

           Break two.

           Huh?

           Definitely, I wasn’t the selected few, I believe. 

Relay: "Brooding ashes"

 The smell of ash startled you, and the sight of the explosion turned out to be the last, the very last memory you shared with this world. To be honest, the last touch of yours was definitely not something of depression.

 It was more like a sense of liberation and a bit of regret, but not too much. You were trying hard to recall and embrace all the moments that you had in this world.

 Such rain… you think. All these draggles(?) yet now where is the use of it all? Know you must be on your way to god’s court. How that inevitability shakes your benes(?). You think back trying totally on your sins. What was it that led to here? Why did it have to be that you, a perfectly normal, ordinary, do-good type at person have to die of a car explosion? What had you done so wrong?

 NOTHING, and yet, EVERYTHING. The memories shimmered dances, as they were shown as hallucinations. Happiest memories: hugs, smiles, kisses- and depressing ones; the moment you brokedown-all at once, and all gone. Teardrops, from your folded eyes slowly rolled down as you stood there in the midst of ashes. And a screeching scream that scattered along the empty space. The dead bodies of your loved ones, burning apartment. A world, so red, black, and grey that nothing other than those three shades were available. So, there you stood, who seemed to be only living thing in that place.

 Suddenly, a thunder strikes your head. With an enormous pain, you start to struggle with your memories. They are coming back.

 A face, one from a long, long time ago burns white hot in your head. You gasp, of course, how could you have forgotten? Tears rush to your eyes and a sob breaks out from your throat. Just when you though the fire was out, it was back to engulf you into the invisible storm.

Revisionist History#4 Cry out for Carlos

           “All men are created equal…” This is how we starts, and others started when outcrying for their rights. Americans, who were originated by people who once shouted for “freedom, equality, rights” against the restraints of British government, would still think those values important, significant, and crucial. However, those ‘norm’s still didn’t perfectly settled up as the fundamental ideology of recent society ad its members, thus creating innumerable discriminations every moment. When it comes to Korea, where every development and change are rapidly done without consideration, the situation gets worse, making ‘Carlos’ give up his ‘potential’, and fall into deep despair.

           At first, there would be individual aids for Carlos. His newly made neighbors, friends, and even other organizations would help him. However, this can’t stabilize Carlos’ situation. Although these kinds of aid is necessary, it an be a burden to Carlos as he can't really compensate for those. Students like Carlos are all around Korea, crying out for some help, in a soft, silent voice. Then, who can dilute the seriousness of the problem? I believe the answer is government.

           Government, governors, and the politics in general work for “policymaking”. They hear people’s voice, see the devastated, invisibles, and reflect that directly into policies. Korea’s governing system isn’t making any progress: firstly because they don’t interpret the problem in detail, secondly because they come out with ridiculous solutions. Let me give few examples starting from the familiar issue, ‘the sports club contest’, the one KMLA students are participating, is the result of quite peculiar understanding of social issues. The start was ‘school violence’. The government has observed that the schools which hae lots of sprots activities have less school violence than others. As a result, without funding provincial schools to purchase to purchase instruments needed to form appropriate environment for various sports, the government started to hold the ‘Sports club contest’. It didn’t absolutely solve any problems of school violence as a result. Next, the birth rate problem. The government explains, the success of women in society contributes to low birth rate, while making maps, indicating the number of women who are able to be pregnant. Same as the previous issue, it doesn’t solve the birth rate problem at all. Lastly, the affirmative action. (It’s not only the problem of Korea government, so further explanations would be done from the next paragraph.)

           So many court cases had done on the affirmative actions. Government and the administrators of universities might wanted to solve similar issues such as ‘Carlos’ case. They thus added affirmative actions, which makes definite quota for those who had been historically discriminated. Minorities, including poor students as ‘Carlos’ could have earn benefits from it, so lots of people when first heard this policy would definitely approve on this. Carlos, when come to Korea, can go to universities by applying to that particular quota as explained easily. However, the problem doesn’t end by just passing the examinations for universities. Carlos must earn money, take care of her sister as it was told in the podcast, study for examinations; he can’ help “those things affecting his grades”. Moreover, the particular acquaintance culture would bother him. Rich students will get along with rich students, poor students will be bullied by others, people will neglect Carlos, he can’t get good jobs when poorly done with his grades, he can’t dream of positive future he was yearning for. He just can’t stop “those things affecting his grades”. He must struggle against so many things that were born to kill him. The society will not let Carlos to gain victory against this struggle. The government will not give solutions for the primary causes, nothing would be solved.
          One thing we must hope for students like Carlos, is to give ‘the equality of opportunity’ as said in the podcast. Not giving auxiliary support in ridiculous way, he surely needs to find ways to make a society that poor are not neglected and suffered. 

Malcom Gladwell Revisionist History #3. Peer Pressure

           ‘Peer pressure’ is, the way people directly influence each other to follow other’s opinion by changing one’s beliefs, ideologies, or actions. (partially referenced) It somehow sounds similar to ‘socialization’, in a way that it ‘affects’ others in their behavior. However, while socialization is done unconsciously, peer pressure is done quite consciously and directly. Peer pressure, the action of enforcing unfavorable forms of behaviors to others, definitely kills the variety of ideas, and spread the idea of uniformity in a severely negative perspective. The podcast by Malcom Gladwell introduces the examples in America, mainly, however, I believe, truly Korea, is one of the countries where the peer pressure impacts significantly, due to the prevalent ‘noonchi’ culture.

           There are numerous examples: still lots of people go through the alteration of attitudes in themselves, affected by others. However, to introduce one recent example that I felt quite interesting, it would be the case of ‘bustier’. It was said in one article that I saw, Korea was almost the only one country where people didn’t wear ‘bustier’ a lot on daily life, not the particular cases of celebrities. Last year summer, ‘bustier’ has risen popularly among the western countries. People in Korea also wanted to wear ‘bustier’ because it was unique, ­­­comfortable, and stylish. However, as it is rooted from underwear, some of the citizens severely put backlash on those people, by framing the action of wearing ‘bustier’ as impolite, irregular, crazy actions. The conservative atmosphere still remaining Korea society resulted this, although it is just the actions of wearing proper clothes.

           Besides this example, particularly, Korean educational system is the epitome of negative impacts the peer pressure gives. Before giving the opportunities for the students to firstly think about an issue, teachers suggest particular idea, and give lecture based on this idea. Thus, students get into a fixed frame while considering that issue, which fixes that suggested idea is an ‘ideal’ thing. Students no longer widen and expand their perspective, and if others come up with new ideas, there ideas cannot be respected fully as it is.

           This issue is most problematic especially in literature class. There are still lots of controversies and diversity in opinions regarding literature. I still wonder whether the prevalent interpretation of literature coincide with the intention of author. It really doesn’t matter as the clarification of literature after the author publishes it solely is responsible to the readers, however as I’m totally interest in writing literature, I still focus on the similarities and differences between the idea of author and readers. Therefore, there might be various approach in understanding literature if with supported evidences, which must be respected. However, this peer pressure restricts the understanding of literature by determining the frame of ‘what is right’. This made me to think of literature by myself a lot, by trying to escape out of the frame.

           To sum up, peer pressure, sometimes confused with socialization, negatively affects others by restricting creativity, and enforcing uniformity. At this time, that we need creativity as a whole, maybe we can resolve this problem by diluting the atmosphere of social pressure. 

Malcom Gladwell Revisionist History #2

We can’t deny one fact: We are biased. We are somehow all selfish. As an ardent advocate of human selfishness theory, I believe the main causes of substantive social controversies are the notion that the members of our society recognize themselves all ‘individuals’. When facing our problems, we appeal to others for attention, expecting all other ‘members of the society’ to seriously consider ways to resolve our problems. However, when others do the same, we become ‘individuals’, not the ‘members of the society’, as we lack the ability to empathize. This, is how we face social dilemmas.

To point out the most controversial social issue nowadays, it might be gender equality, feminism problem, which had been longed for quite long centuries, but hadn’t still been yielded satisfactory results. The first episode of the podcast ‘Revisionist History’ by Malcom Gladwell also depicts this status quo as significant notion, by elucidating few points with specific examples. Women didn’t lack efforts to figure out the problems they are facing, even those to resolve some issues. They protested, appealed, shouted, and outcried for changes, however, progresses went slow for every single matter they charged, although subtle. Supporting this, the first major advancement for their rights, the suffrage, franchise, the right to participate to politics as regular social member, in the case of U.S is given in 1920, by 19th amendment. Thinking that the slaves were allowed to vote through 15th amendment, between the civil war and reconstruction period, the society as a whole, for women, is particularly, relatively slower than for others.

Identical, to other problems, this also happens because we keep being ‘individuals’. Those people who didn’t admit the rights of women weren’t women- they haven’t went through the experiences of women. Thus, they do not feel and empathize the needs women insisted, rather, just ignore their loud, loud voices. The ‘veil of ignorance’ thus comes out in this aspect. When people start to expect that it is possible for other’s pain and difficulties come to themselves, they fear, and imagine; they start to “empathize”. I do not totally agree on Rawls’ ideas on this, but it is quite reasonable that the concept of ‘veil of ignorance’ should partly be applied in understanding social issues.

To sum up, what we need to soothe the conflicts in and out of the society, is to include and accept everyone as a member of society, including oneself. We are all individuals, but is still the member of particular society. Totally trying to understand what others would feel, is the key to resolve every enigma, including gender, child labor, immigrants, retirees issues, and even more.